Okay, so.



New journal, new life, new appreciation FOR that life.




This whole free-loving lifestyle is very difficult, but vey worth it.

Difficult for me because I'm always flipping out about things that are menial.



Like this morning. I had a GREAT time. But I'm always so worried about what the aftermath will be that I forget to enjoy the moment to its fullest.


...but I did enjoy it ( ; OH LORD, did I enjoy it.


I had a bowling ball in my stomach, and a desert in my mouth.

But it was a polished, pretty, purple bowling ball and a desert that could be quenched with a glass of water.



I'm giddy just thinking about it.

And even if nothing ever comes of it, at least I can say I made an attempt, right? I tried?

Because what more can I really do? I live, I love, I learn.

And again, even if nothing happens, I'll have the memory and the knowledge that I was not too afraid to take a risk I really wanted.




Casey and Augie and Lis and I made a trip around town today. Sam saw us. Freshmen e.e

Oy vey.

MrBlueskys67: i forgot to tell you
Kaydeekatz89: ?
MrBlueskys67: i learned how to do a gutteral screamo heavy metal voice
Kaydeekatz89: oh ha no way
MrBlueskys67: the internet is a good source for information
MrBlueskys67: you have to go as deep as you possibly can
MrBlueskys67: and like suck in air in your gut
MrBlueskys67: and then like exhale from the stomach as hard as you can and go as deep as you can
Kaydeekatz89: lol I just tried it and scared my brother half to death as he walked in
MrBlueskys67: hahahah
MrBlueskys67: please
MrBlueskys67: dont
MrBlueskys67: ever
MrBlueskys67: again
MrBlueskys67: :-D
MrBlueskys67: thinking of you trying
MrBlueskys67: is painful
MrBlueskys67: for me
Kaydeekatz89: Haha
MrBlueskys67: :-D
MrBlueskys67: ;-)

It usually rains on my worst days.

Isn't that funny?

It makes me believe in miracles. I think God is trying to tell me that I'm going to be okay.

It's like: here, I'm giving you the worst pain you've ever suffered through, but I'm going to give you the rain to help you through it.


It's thundering and lightning and raining in intervals. I love the smell. I'm sitting here with Rane's sliding glass door open to the patio that faces Southeast, and I'm looking out over my favorite area of the mountains, and I can smell the rain and the greasewood.

This is the happiest I've been in a while.


Where'd You Go is on repeat. I really love this song. Fort Minor.

I needed a change. Away from that old journal.


Laugh at the name all you want!

:P



I wanted to apologize for being a headcase on Tuesday. I really appreciate you guys and thank you for making me feel better. I think sometimes I got so wrapped up in this last part of my life that I would forget to look up and see you all were there.

That will never happen again.

I love you guys.